The Creative Musician and Mommy

I have not written in quite some time. Actually, I write all of the time and just about everywhere. I have not written here. There have been so many changes in the past year and they keep coming. I suppose it is something a person can kind of count on. I am learning to adapt to changes better. I do this by looking for the countless tiny pieces of light in the world. They are actually everywhere and in every moment of the day. Sometimes these tiny bits of light can be difficult to see, but they are there. I personally believe they point me to God and remind me that He is never far from me.

Quite recently, I watched a series called The Chosen. It is about the life of Jesus and I just could not stop watching it. Then, it led me to reading the Bible in a year with the Hallow app with Fr. Mike Schmitz. It started a search for God. It’s not that I wasn’t searching for God… but I wasn’t hungering for God. I feel like when a person hungers for God, the things of this world are not enough. You can feel it and you want to see and feel His presence. You want to see Him active in the world. You want to see things happening and moving – like the wind shifting the leaves of the trees or blowing across the water creating ripples on the surface. It is a lovely thing and it is just there, it is everywhere. It is the very fabric that runs through life itself. This is what I believe. More on this later as it continues to unfold…

This afternoon I received an email from my alma mater Millsaps College. It was a shocking and disappointing email regarding changes to the school. One change that jumped out at me was the statement that the college would no longer offer a music major. This stood out because I was a music major at Millsaps College. I guess it is not a surprise really because I know there are less and less students pursuing music, but it also makes me feel loss. I have so many wonderful memories of my time in the music department as a music major at Millsaps College. I learned so much there and once I found the music department, I found my home. There is a such thing as a calling for some people in life, and music called to me in everything. For me, music is not just a job. When I hear and play and teach music I feel like I am sharing something that is greater than every fiber of my being. For me, music transcends and to take a portion of that away from a liberal arts college is like slowly letting go of someone you loved. I will still have music, but I cannot help but wonder if Millsaps is slowly letting go of something once loved and valued in a different time and place.

The picture below is from my junior piano recital at Millsaps College. It was taken with my much loved piano professor, Dr. Jonathan Sweat.

I have a lot of pictures stored in my phone and the cloud. At present, there are 5,700 photos in my phone and I suppose they are in the cloud too. I love looking at photographs! My dad planted this in me at an early age and I hope it is something I will spend more time with in the future. Think about it! When you sit down and look at old photographs, if you are one of those people that still has albums you get lost for a while. Time sort of disappears as you rummage through memories.

I like to go back through the 5,700 picture on my phone and I get lost too. I see my children as they age through the years. Sometimes I come across a video of their voices and the wonderful way they say words as they were learning to talk. Some of the memories are so bittersweet you feel you could cry if you linger too long. Sometimes I find pictures of my former students and I see them then and now. I feel pride, joy, and sometimes even sadness as I have watched their lives unfold into adulthood.

Life to me is such a gift and time is such a precious realization. You see this as you learn to search for the tiny thread that runs through your own life and the lives of others to which you are connected. It is truly a beautiful thing which summons so much gratitude.

I am going to write a little bit about my Grandmother Carlson, Jamsey Rae Kline tonight.

I was absolutely in love with my Grandma Carlson growing up. I was even fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with her while I was in my first years of college too. I remember I had this black and white picture I snatched from one of our family albums of her in these giant sunglasses. I slept with it under my pillow until it was crinkled and torn. Now I have one of her rings I wear on Sunday’s and this wishbone necklace. She told me it was the first diamond my grandfather (Po) gave her. Every time I put these on it’s like taking a bit of her around with me because it always makes me think of something she said or did.

My sister kind of reminds me of her now. She is kind of like Grandma Carlson to my children. You see every time you would go to my grandmother’s house she always had something for you to bake together. You always got to lick the spoon and bowl. She always let you play in the dirt mixed with the red Yazoo clay. We got so messy! My sister is so much like this to my children and they love her so much it makes my heart shine. I am so grateful for this connection that is here and somehow beyond. It is one of those lights that my Grandmother left behind and it is always there even though she is not, yet she is.

Most days after school we head home and begin the arduous task of doing homework with our children. We have a few after school scheduled activities during the week and then we go home and begin the routine of getting ready for the next day. I call it the school schedule routine. Yesterday we did something different, we ventured into Fondren. During my twenties I spent a lot of time going to Fondren. It is a unique part of Jackson, MS with a touch of vintage and hint of big city life.

We exited the car outside of Campbell’s Bakery and crossed the street to Studio Chane to pick up some awesome T-shirts they made for my small school choir. Our daughter’s eyes were wide and our son was dancing. So much happiness with the surroundings. It was a bit chilly and I might say cold for southerners, as we made our way to Brent’s Drugs to eat dinner. Brent’s has been around for quite a while and the kids remembered it from the time we brought them before. They were so excited! It was infectious! All of the sudden, everything seemed better and brighter seeing through a child’s eyes! It is one of the gifts of being a mother and a teacher. You get to experience that bit of light almost everyday because it peeks out almost everyday. Anyway, I highly suggest a visit to Fondren whenever you are in Jackson, MS and make sure you experience it with the eyes of a child!

Today we went back to school and it was not too bad actually. I would call it a good day minus the evening homework. I have started to arrive early sometimes to Mass practice because I love the way a church is so peaceful and quiet when empty. Well to my surprise the nativity was still out in the church and there were Christmas trees everywhere. It was lovely and allowed me to step backwards a minute to Christmas. I took some pictures of the navitity because I just love it so much! Then I sat on a pew and read my Bible verse and it was a nice moment. Our seven year old son has decided we are going to leave his small Christmas tree up all year and we will just change out the decorations according to the different holidays. He loves the lights and the precious ornaments. I am a Mom that is going to go with that idea!

Tomorrow begins the ever dreaded schedule once again. I actually do not mind a schedule, but I do not care too much for the school teacher schedule. It always seems like you have to crunch so many things into such a small space of time. I am one of those people who thinks time is so precious and such a beautiful thing. Hence my distaste for locked in schedules.

Once I visited a Navajo Reservation in Utah when I was finishing my senior year in high school. Oh how I wanted to stay there! The sense of time and the pace of life was so different. If you wanted to take your horse up on the mountain you just did it. If you wanted to gather for church at two in the morning, you just did it. The Navajo people we were working with were first generation Christians. It was a vivid place with the blue sky set against the orange/red color of the desert sand.

Tomorrow starts back the schedule, but I am going back to a new year with hopefully new adventures ahead and new blessings!

I have been sick and finally went to visit my doctor so I can get well before school starts back Monday. Oh, how I will miss sleeping late. I am praying for a couple of snow days this year. We amazingly got two last year and that is saying something for the Deep South.

I am writing about those things that make you feel good when you are sick. It sounds silly, but it is awesome to have an attentive cat sleep on your legs or feet when you do not feel well. It is like having a friend in bed with you that expects absolutely nothing but a gentle scratch behind the ear. Comfort.

I am a lover of Golden Retrievers and we have two. One of the Goldie’s is my buddy and she is a comfort indeed. There is nothing quite like those chocolate chip eyes staring at you, wondering when you will be up again to go outside and throw the ball seemingly forever. Comfort.

Last things are food related: miso soup, rice, and ginger ale. Comfort.

One more thing: awesome children and an awesome husband and the feeling that everyone is okay. Comfort.

Today is what you call one of my extended mornings. There is good cause because the kids have been sick and mom is not feeling too good either. Luckily we are still on Winter break so time is bendable right now. Don’t you love how a room looks with the light just casting this bluish color on the walls and your pets come in for a snuggle with you as you try and extend the morning that is actually passed. Remember we are fortunate to have bendable time during Winter break. This I will say is one of the perks of being a teacher, especially a teacher with two children. Well, let’s start the day lazy mommy.

I am a full time musician and mother of two wonderful kids. My full time musician status is mainly my music teacher job at a Catholic elementary school in the sunny south. I also teach a few piano lessons to supplement the portion of my teaching position that is short of being full time.

I write songs and I spend time with my family doing crazy fun stuff like get togethers and going to Target. Sounds exciting and it is because I have this part of me that still dreams and constantly seeks all of the light I can possibly find in the world. This doesn’t mean I am this constantly smiling lady who looks for the positive in everything. No, it is more of a perspective of how I sometimes see the world and its people day to day. It is like empathizing with various scenes you might encounter on a simple drive to school. Like seeing the homeless man at the stoplight as the child he was years and years ago, just like the ones you teach everyday. It’s like looking at the branches of the trees against the fading blue of the sky and seeing all of the marvelous angles and webs they create. What does all of this rambling have to do with being a mom that does music for her life’s work? Well being a mom that makes music makes me feel like I am connected to something greater that I constantly strive to touch and be apart of in my life… God.